Wednesday.10/5/11. "It's the moments in life that take your breath away...''

‎"I choose you not for what you are now, but for who you will become.”

This could be one of my favoritest quotes ever. This was said to Matthias, the 13^th apostle, when Jesus selected him. For those who don’t know, I am a practicing Catholic. This quote really spoke to me because it’s pretty hard to know who you are in every minute of your life and stick to that. We all veer off the path we hope for ourselves. It’s not about how far we wander though, it’s about the people that bring us back and the places we go to be where we end up. It’s the journey.

            Well, in my journey, there have been a few profound moments/people that have completely changed me. Some of these people don’t know the impact their actions had on my life because they are simple actions. They changed me.

1.    I’m pretty active in my church, St. Rose of Lima, and one of the most incredible things my church does for the youth is they have an amazing confirmation retreat. When I went on mine in 8^th grade, it was life changing so it was only right for me to volunteer to help and plan for the year below me. I was a young adult leader on this past year’s confirmation retreat and it was awesome. I really cant think of another word. AWEsome. The kids left me in awe. The adults left me in awe. And one moment left me speechless. We do an exercise called “Shared Prayer,” which is when a small group lays facing a lit candle in a completely dark room (aside from the candle) and when you have a prayer, you take the small cross in your hand and say your prayer out loud. At first it’s usually simple stuff. Then, progressively, as the spirituality grows and the trust too, people let out more personal stuff. It is confidential so I can’t say exactly what people said, but it brought me to uncontrollable sobs. There are no words to come close to expressing the intense emotion felt all in those moments. What saved me? When I walked back into the larger room, filled with people and questioning eyes. My eyes were practically swollen shut, tears still running down my cheeks, and no relief anywhere in sight. A good friend of mine, someone who I would never burden by asking a favor of but would trust with my darkest secrets, came to me and hugged me. No, embraced me. He hugged me for as long as I can remember. He lifted me off my feet, spun me around, made me laugh so the tears would subside, hugged me. There was no hidden agenda. That’s just what true friends do.

2.    As some of you may know, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This causes my hand to shake occasionally if I am subconsciously stressed or anxious about something. Naturally, this causes people to stare. I mean that’s human nature. Who wouldn’t stare at someone who’s hand looked like it was in the middle of jazz auditions? I wasn’t always so accepting of human tendency and one day, after my hand had shook for quite some time at school, I was complaining to a friend. The basic of this being that I was afraid no one would love me for my imperfections including my OCD. I feared, “No one wants to hold a shaking hand.” He then replied, “except another shaking hand.” The wisdom of fourteen year olds.

3.    Another profound moment in my life was at Creationfest. I was standing inches away from the stage where Owl City would be preforming in the next 15 minutes. There was a radical speaker on stage preaching and yelling and yada yada yada. I was ready for some preforming. I was half listening when the speaker stopped and basically recited the Apostle’s Creed. For those who don’t know, it is the basics of my faith. He then encouraged, “If you believe in what I said, raise your hand. Do not be afraid!” So, out of peer pressure and moral force, I raised my hand. He then proclaimed, “If you raised your hand, I want you to leave your seat or spot here in the crowd and go to that prayer tent over there and meet all the other people who believe what you do.” Crap. I had one of the best spots on the mountain to see one of my favorite bands preform… in ten minutes. There was no way in hell (pun intended) I was leaving that spot. I felt guilty but come on. Because the universe has its way with you, a security guard approached me. “I saw you put your hand up. I’ll hold your spot. You go.” How was I supposed to say no? So I turned around and what I saw was like nothing else. There were 100,000 people there that day. I saw the mountain move. Almost everyone was slowly migrating over to the specified tent and I promise you, it was like seeing something outta the Bible. Seeing that many people move for their faith brought me to tears. I went over to the tent and looked around. I waited silently for some instruction on what I was supposed to do. It was then that a complete stranger came to me and asked, “Are you alright?” Without waiting for an answer, they hugged me. I had never felt so much compassion and I didn’t even know them. When I went back to my spot, the security guard that had sent me away saw me. He parted the crowd and sure enough, I was allowed back to the same exact spot I left. Then, during the concert, the guard took my camera and got pictures of Adam Young closer then I could ever get. It was amazing, in every way possible.

It’s the moments in life that aren’t planned that have the most impact.

Lesson of the Day: We are shaped by the memories/experiences we have.

Lyrics:

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Saturday. 10/1/11. La "Barbie" Vita

Saturday, October 1, 2011

So I have a new show obsession. It’s not really that new considering I’ve been counting the days to its premiere since I first saw the ad for it. It’s called “Pan Am” and it is about flight attendents or “stewardesses” in 1963. The pilot was awesome and it solidified a dream of mine. I want to become a flight attendant. To some this may seem like the job you go for when you have no friends and family and have failed at everything else. To me, this is the perfect job. I have a passion for culture, language, and travel. I also love talking to and meeting new people. This would allow me to accomplish that. My main criteria for a career is not the sum of money I would make but that it be impossible for me to have the same day twice. I’m not exactly a 9 to 5 kinda girl. Both my parents are and God Bless them because I cant stand the idea of a life filled with cubicles and pant suits. Not me.

As I spoke with my mother about my dream (which she supports completely) I realized I want to do A LOT with my life. So I’ve decided to major in something very neutral and pursue everything I can. I don’t wanna have any regrets. The only other person I’ve ever heard of doing multiple careers like this is Barbie. The doll. If you’ve noticed, she’s a doctor, lawyer, stay at home mom, veterinarian, dancer, fairy, princess, chef, and more. Oh and she’s pretty. Does this not seem like an ideal life? So I’ve decided, I’m going to live the “Barbie” life. So here’s a list of things I’m promising myself I’ll work towards:

The List

-Live on the continents of: South America, Europe, Asia, and Australia.

-Serve in the Peace Corp

-Write for a newspaper or publishing company

-Publish a bestselling novel

-Speak a minimum of three languages

-Learn at least four religions

-Observe the world from every perspective I can

-Die with no regrets.

So when you take the first word from each of these goals you get “Live, Serve, Write, Publish, Speak, Learn, Observe, Die.” Doesn’t seem like a bad life to me? This isn’t the same as my “Bucket List.” That’s for another day. It’s much longer…and stranger. The point of this all is that you can do anything you want to. Who says you have to “work” at the same thing for your entire life. That’s beyond depressing for me. There’s an entire world out there. Take it and make it yours. Who says you cant be a Barbie?

Lesson of the Day:

Just because some people say you have to choose one career, doesn’t mean you cant have a passion for everything in life. Live like you have no limit.

Lyrics:

Everyone here gonna die one day,

So while im here ima find my way,

Thats my forte,

thats why im here,

you should open up your ears,and speak this real.

I was a man with no name,

now im attributing mo fame,

But all of this aint gonna matter when i  die and say good bye so long,

Sianara ill have to catch you tomorra baby cause baby,

I,ll be in the sky

B.o.B “I’ll be in the Sky”

Friday. 9/30/11. Gotta get down on Friday

So everyone, we made it through another week. Amen. I feel like no one fully appreciates Fridays until you’ve hated Monday through Thursday to the point where ripping your hair out seems like a reasonable solution to the mid-week crisis. As I sat in class today, 1^st period actually, trying to imagine a world where school didn’t feel like a suffocating gas. The only way to reverse this horribly morbid thinking is laughter. It wasn’t but 5 periods later that I was laughing so hard I could barely keep the tears in. My friends and I had to decided to play a round of Pick 3 or to some, “Kill, Mary, F***” Now for all those who don’t understand or haven’t played this game before, you are given 3 names(usually celebrities) and you have to marry one, kill one, and well ___ the last one. To some this is nasty and objective but to the 4 or 5 of us, it was the perfect way to liven the spirits of an otherwise boring day. To one guy in the loop, he was given Rosie O’Donnell, Tina Turner, and Whoopie Goldburg. To my best friend came the options of: Simon, Randy, or Clay Aiken. It wasn’t so much that the game was brilliantly amusing, it was each others company and to a certain degree, hearing someone else laugh makes you happy or laugh too.

Now laughing. It’s one of my favoritest things on the earth. And to anyone who’s spoken with me for three minutes or more, you know that I have a less-then-cute laugh. It’s like Roseanne at the end of the intro to her show. It always ends with a roaring “BAH HA HA HA!”

I am well aware that it is atrocious. But who cares? When you are whole-heartedly laughing, you’re not exactly conscious of the sound of your own laughter. There’s nothing like falling out of your chair, gasping for air, slapping your knee/thigh, and praying these aren’t your last moments on earth because you cant imagine breathing again. That’s my favorite moment ever. I laugh a little too much, I know. And I know I’m not looking like a movie star when I do.

Laughing is what gets me through my day.

Lesson of the day: Learn to laugh. Let go of being serious. No one makes it outta life alive anyway so laugh at every opportunity. Laugh at yourself once and a while too. It’s good for you.

Lyrics:

The glow that the sun gives

Right around sunset

Helps me realize

This is just a journey

Drop your worries

You are gonna turn out fine.

Oh, you'll turn out fine.

Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine.

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

you gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

Thursday. 9/29/11. That thing you do.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

So I’m going to start with lyrics today:

I lost my keys in the great unknown

And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that drives me crazy

This is the stuff that's getting to me lately

In the middle of my little mess

I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin

But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing

It might not be what I would choose

But this is the stuff You use

Today could have been a lot better. To say the very least.

Last night after I posted yesterday’s entry, I was filling out the “about me” part of the profile for this. One of the sections was “favorite movies’’ and this is one of my favorite questions ever. I love movies and cinematography. I honest could talk about movies with anyone for a ridiculous amount of time. But as I listed my all time favs, I realized they all had a little something in common. They all include ridiculous love stories. All but one. In Titanic, I mean come on, that’s a given. They meet as he saves her from suicide, they do it in an antique car, she risks her life to save him. I mean good Lord. It doesn’t get more romantic. Pretty in Pink, young love is at its finest while a “wrong side of the tracks” fashionista (who wears pink, hence the name) falls in love with a dashing bajillionaire then they makeout in front of a classic 80s BMW (classic scene). Breakfast club. We have a bunch of mini loves going on. Good girl gone bad. Freak turned fabulous. The start of a beautiful love. Forrest Gump, “I luve you, Jen-ay.” Curious Case of Benjamin Button “Will you still love me when I’m old and wrinkly?” “Will you still love me when I wet the bed?”

These are all terribly charming and sappy movies that talk about love and cheesy. And don’t get me wrong, I bought that love. I bought it. I bought it with credit and I’m still paying for it. But when I really started thinking about those kisses that make “your knees go weak” and the moments that “make you melt.” They really don’t happen when you’re on a sinking ship or when you walk into prom to find the guy that ditched you is alone as well.. No. Those real “love” moments are the little things. It’s when a guy stops talking to his friends to ask if his little lady needs a hand hosting the party. It’s when he sacrifices a night just the two of them to help her care for her siblings. It’s when he takes her bag from her without having to be asked so that her shoulders can have a rest. That’s love.

I think girls forget that no matter how good it feels to have someone hold your hand when all you do is “hook up.” And its sad. I’d rather have a 0 hold my hand and hold open the door for me, then a 10 treat me like crap. Maybe it’s just me but that seems like an okay deal. When I was in DisneyWorld this year, we were sitting on the tram watching people get in and this woman was holding a baby, struggling to get to a seat and trying to juggle a diaper bag filled with souveniers. The man with her, took the bag off her shoulder, took the stroller, and managed the kid so that she could get in. Then he handed the kid back, kissed her forehead and shut the Tram door. He waited for the next one. It was the most romantic moment I’ve ever seen. It beat ALL those movies that I watch trying to imagine what love would be like. That’s what its like. That Tram love.

Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City said:

“Let’s talk about what I am. I am someone who is searching for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, cant without each other love. “

Girls, we should settle for nothing less then that. No guy shall ever let us sink on ship but he will also never let us carry a heavy diaper bag. Never. And Guys, don’t let us con you into thinking you need to come home with roses every night and serenade us. But it’s the little stuff. That’s what matters.

Lesson of the day: don’t settle for anything less then you deserve but also, appreciate the little things. Life is made up of a lot of little things

Lyrics:

We went dancing in the minefields

We went sailing in the storms

And it was harder the we dreamed but I elieve that’s what the promise is for.

-Andrew Peterson “Dancing in the minefields”

Wednesday.9/28/11. Welcome to Bloggin

Wednesday, September 25, 2011

So I’ve made the executive decision after watching a descent amount of “Sex and the City” (a new favorite) to write a blog/article/column about my life… more then the everyday events like homework and the who’s who but about what I learn from it. Because I have way to many strokes of genius to forget them.

So I’ll catch you up so far on what’s led up to this point.

I used to be known as the “good girl” the “goody goody.” I came from an impressive stunt as a Catholic School girl that lasted 9 years. It worked for me. I started in public school as a freshman in high school. I have to admit, the first two months of that year were probably the best of my life. There were no worries, no fear, no prejudice, no history, it was all about impressions. As lovely as that time was, like all good things do, it came to a subtle end. I guess I didn’t see the novelty of high school wear off but like the bottom of flip flops, it did and so did the excitement…and the carelessness.

We all became consumed with each other and the school work and sports. It went from being a fun chaos to a burden of stress and anxiety. I suppose you could say the rest of my freshman year was rough… there was nothing consistent about my life at the time aside from that I continuously said it sucked…which looking back… that wasn’t far off. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I’ll be the first to admit, I have a habit of being a crybaby. Sometimes it’s justified…other times not so much. But I made it through and summer could not have come quick enough.

This was the first summer in my entire life that I had been looking forward too. Every other year I was terrified of not being able to see my friends and that I’d end up bored with no purpose in life. This summer was the 180. I left school in shambles, subconsciously hoping that the time away from the imposed drama and stress would heal me. I started summer playing softball. I’ve been playing the sport since I could grip a bat. I knew going into the summer that it was going to take some patience and humility to get through my last season of travel softball with this particular team. I have nothing against the team. Never have. My teammates were devoting their lives to something that I had lost passion for somewhere between first and second. I also had one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I attended a concert series “Creationfest.” It is a five day long, Christian music extravangza. For many, this appears to be nothing more then Jesus freak collection and reason to break out the bibles and begin the thumpin’. But its more then that. So much more. There’s constant music and speakers and impromptu jam sessions. I met 100,000 people who believe what I do and I honestly couldn’t think of a bad thing to say about the event as a whole if I wanted to. I laughed, cried, sang (being as tone deaf as I am, this is a miracle of God all in itself), prayed, and learned to appreciate music like never before, all while seeing popular bands and making memories that will last a lifetime. I participated in Encounter, a service work camp for teens, where I met some of the most incredible people. I ended July with a road trip that consisted of almost 3,000 miles and stretched from my home in the ‘burbs to Alabama. I got to see the South from my passenger seat while listening to mix tapes, learning sign language and guitar, and documenting what would be a trip of a lifetime. I played in ESPN’S World Series of Softball. I went to DisneyWorld and decided to pursue a career as a Disney princess. I then walked away from my team before the tournament was complete. I understand that many people would argue this was a horrible decision, unfaithful, and frankly, bitchy. But it was the decision I had made. If I had stayed, I would more then likely have been unable to make it to Alabama in time. What was waiting for me in Alabama far surpassed all the whispers, judgments, and criticism I would receive. Earlier that year in March, I had a vivid dream of traveling to the South. It was unrealistic to achieve and I had no reason to be there. I brushed it off. Then on April 27^th, the south was hit with a devastating series of tornados that crippled many communities. I then organized a work team and raised around $3,000 for relief efforts. From my softball tournament, I travelled to Tuscaloosa, AL to work and see what it is that I had put this much effort into. It was beyond devastating. Words cannot describe the things I saw. I was dealt a large slice of Old Southern Humble Pie. When I returned to D.C, I had summer work and field hockey tryouts for me. But more then that, I had confidence that could not be broken by anything. I wasn’t cocky. I was happy.

Then I went to a party.

Everything changed.

I shed that good girl image along with my plaid skirt and sweater vest and traded it for sequins and heels. I hadn’t lost my confidence. I replaced with something a little more artificial. Attention. People looked at me like I was beautiful… I thought. It felt good to walk into a room and have people look twice. Along with these looks, came touches, came new music, new friends, and new relationships. I liked the way it felt to dance and not care about the next day.

I returned to school with this love of something that really wasn’t realistic. I put school in the back of my mind and focused on the next time I could have an easy good time. It sounds shallow because it was. This attitude got me into some trouble. Shocking, I know. There were rumors, as there always are in high school. I lost my mind, some friends, some trust, and a lot of respect.

However;

As there always is something to learn about in every situation, I saw who my true friends. Those who escorted me past the thieves that stole my heart and dignity, my friends, were incredible and even when I’m old, sitting in my rocking chair, talking to my great grand kids about the young life, I’ll have to admit that I had some kick ass friends. Everyone comes from a different place in life but what unites people is that we all go through crap. They did. I did. But together, WE give each other the help needed. Life sucks. It’s not fair majority of the time. But it’s not about the moments that make us angry, cry, sad, regret, shameful, or unhappy. Life is about the moments where you laugh until you cant breathe, you get that hug from someone you would have never guessed, you can feel the support of crutches from your friends from across a classroom, when you sing to a song you don’t even know half the words to. It’s about the moments that make you smile that make it worth it. That sounds like a can of cheese but I don’t dig cliché and I dig this. So it’s sorta legit.

Lesson of the day:

Something good comes from every.single.situation. no matter how bad.

Lyrics of the day:

You're in the moment now

When all that you've been blessed with

Is not enough

Here's where the ground gets loose

Here's where the devils call your bluff

Stay strong

You are not lost

Come on and fix your eyes ahead

There's a new dawn to light our day, our day

You've gotta stay strong

-NEWSBOYS. “STAY STRONG”