Wednesday, September 25, 2011
So I’ve made the executive decision after watching a descent amount of “Sex and the City” (a new favorite) to write a blog/article/column about my life… more then the everyday events like homework and the who’s who but about what I learn from it. Because I have way to many strokes of genius to forget them.
So I’ll catch you up so far on what’s led up to this point.
I used to be known as the “good girl” the “goody goody.” I came from an impressive stunt as a Catholic School girl that lasted 9 years. It worked for me. I started in public school as a freshman in high school. I have to admit, the first two months of that year were probably the best of my life. There were no worries, no fear, no prejudice, no history, it was all about impressions. As lovely as that time was, like all good things do, it came to a subtle end. I guess I didn’t see the novelty of high school wear off but like the bottom of flip flops, it did and so did the excitement…and the carelessness.
We all became consumed with each other and the school work and sports. It went from being a fun chaos to a burden of stress and anxiety. I suppose you could say the rest of my freshman year was rough… there was nothing consistent about my life at the time aside from that I continuously said it sucked…which looking back… that wasn’t far off. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I’ll be the first to admit, I have a habit of being a crybaby. Sometimes it’s justified…other times not so much. But I made it through and summer could not have come quick enough.
This was the first summer in my entire life that I had been looking forward too. Every other year I was terrified of not being able to see my friends and that I’d end up bored with no purpose in life. This summer was the 180. I left school in shambles, subconsciously hoping that the time away from the imposed drama and stress would heal me. I started summer playing softball. I’ve been playing the sport since I could grip a bat. I knew going into the summer that it was going to take some patience and humility to get through my last season of travel softball with this particular team. I have nothing against the team. Never have. My teammates were devoting their lives to something that I had lost passion for somewhere between first and second. I also had one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I attended a concert series “Creationfest.” It is a five day long, Christian music extravangza. For many, this appears to be nothing more then Jesus freak collection and reason to break out the bibles and begin the thumpin’. But its more then that. So much more. There’s constant music and speakers and impromptu jam sessions. I met 100,000 people who believe what I do and I honestly couldn’t think of a bad thing to say about the event as a whole if I wanted to. I laughed, cried, sang (being as tone deaf as I am, this is a miracle of God all in itself), prayed, and learned to appreciate music like never before, all while seeing popular bands and making memories that will last a lifetime. I participated in Encounter, a service work camp for teens, where I met some of the most incredible people. I ended July with a road trip that consisted of almost 3,000 miles and stretched from my home in the ‘burbs to Alabama. I got to see the South from my passenger seat while listening to mix tapes, learning sign language and guitar, and documenting what would be a trip of a lifetime. I played in ESPN’S World Series of Softball. I went to DisneyWorld and decided to pursue a career as a Disney princess. I then walked away from my team before the tournament was complete. I understand that many people would argue this was a horrible decision, unfaithful, and frankly, bitchy. But it was the decision I had made. If I had stayed, I would more then likely have been unable to make it to Alabama in time. What was waiting for me in Alabama far surpassed all the whispers, judgments, and criticism I would receive. Earlier that year in March, I had a vivid dream of traveling to the South. It was unrealistic to achieve and I had no reason to be there. I brushed it off. Then on April 27th, the south was hit with a devastating series of tornados that crippled many communities. I then organized a work team and raised around $3,000 for relief efforts. From my softball tournament, I travelled to Tuscaloosa, AL to work and see what it is that I had put this much effort into. It was beyond devastating. Words cannot describe the things I saw. I was dealt a large slice of Old Southern Humble Pie. When I returned to D.C, I had summer work and field hockey tryouts for me. But more then that, I had confidence that could not be broken by anything. I wasn’t cocky. I was happy.
Then I went to a party.
Everything changed.
I shed that good girl image along with my plaid skirt and sweater vest and traded it for sequins and heels. I hadn’t lost my confidence. I replaced with something a little more artificial. Attention. People looked at me like I was beautiful… I thought. It felt good to walk into a room and have people look twice. Along with these looks, came touches, came new music, new friends, and new relationships. I liked the way it felt to dance and not care about the next day.
I returned to school with this love of something that really wasn’t realistic. I put school in the back of my mind and focused on the next time I could have an easy good time. It sounds shallow because it was. This attitude got me into some trouble. Shocking, I know. There were rumors, as there always are in high school. I lost my mind, some friends, some trust, and a lot of respect.
However;
As there always is something to learn about in every situation, I saw who my true friends. Those who escorted me past the thieves that stole my heart and dignity, my friends, were incredible and even when I’m old, sitting in my rocking chair, talking to my great grand kids about the young life, I’ll have to admit that I had some kick ass friends. Everyone comes from a different place in life but what unites people is that we all go through crap. They did. I did. But together, WE give each other the help needed. Life sucks. It’s not fair majority of the time. But it’s not about the moments that make us angry, cry, sad, regret, shameful, or unhappy. Life is about the moments where you laugh until you cant breathe, you get that hug from someone you would have never guessed, you can feel the support of crutches from your friends from across a classroom, when you sing to a song you don’t even know half the words to. It’s about the moments that make you smile that make it worth it. That sounds like a can of cheese but I don’t dig cliché and I dig this. So it’s sorta legit.
Lesson of the day:
Something good comes from every.single.situation. no matter how bad.
Lyrics of the day:
You're in the moment now
When all that you've been blessed with
Is not enough
Here's where the ground gets loose
Here's where the devils call your bluff
Stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
There's a new dawn to light our day, our day
You've gotta stay strong
-NEWSBOYS. “STAY STRONG”
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