"I choose you not for what you are now, but for who you will become.”
This could be one of my favoritest quotes ever. This was said to Matthias, the 13th apostle, when Jesus selected him. For those who don’t know, I am a practicing Catholic. This quote really spoke to me because it’s pretty hard to know who you are in every minute of your life and stick to that. We all veer off the path we hope for ourselves. It’s not about how far we wander though, it’s about the people that bring us back and the places we go to be where we end up. It’s the journey.
Well, in my journey, there have been a few profound moments/people that have completely changed me. Some of these people don’t know the impact their actions had on my life because they are simple actions. They changed me.
1. I’m pretty active in my church, St. Rose of Lima, and one of the most incredible things my church does for the youth is they have an amazing confirmation retreat. When I went on mine in 8th grade, it was life changing so it was only right for me to volunteer to help and plan for the year below me. I was a young adult leader on this past year’s confirmation retreat and it was awesome. I really cant think of another word. AWEsome. The kids left me in awe. The adults left me in awe. And one moment left me speechless. We do an exercise called “Shared Prayer,” which is when a small group lays facing a lit candle in a completely dark room (aside from the candle) and when you have a prayer, you take the small cross in your hand and say your prayer out loud. At first it’s usually simple stuff. Then, progressively, as the spirituality grows and the trust too, people let out more personal stuff. It is confidential so I can’t say exactly what people said, but it brought me to uncontrollable sobs. There are no words to come close to expressing the intense emotion felt all in those moments. What saved me? When I walked back into the larger room, filled with people and questioning eyes. My eyes were practically swollen shut, tears still running down my cheeks, and no relief anywhere in sight. A good friend of mine, someone who I would never burden by asking a favor of but would trust with my darkest secrets, came to me and hugged me. No, embraced me. He hugged me for as long as I can remember. He lifted me off my feet, spun me around, made me laugh so the tears would subside, hugged me. There was no hidden agenda. That’s just what true friends do.
2. As some of you may know, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This causes my hand to shake occasionally if I am subconsciously stressed or anxious about something. Naturally, this causes people to stare. I mean that’s human nature. Who wouldn’t stare at someone who’s hand looked like it was in the middle of jazz auditions? I wasn’t always so accepting of human tendency and one day, after my hand had shook for quite some time at school, I was complaining to a friend. The basic of this being that I was afraid no one would love me for my imperfections including my OCD. I feared, “No one wants to hold a shaking hand.” He then replied, “except another shaking hand.” The wisdom of fourteen year olds.
3. Another profound moment in my life was at Creationfest. I was standing inches away from the stage where Owl City would be preforming in the next 15 minutes. There was a radical speaker on stage preaching and yelling and yada yada yada. I was ready for some preforming. I was half listening when the speaker stopped and basically recited the Apostle’s Creed. For those who don’t know, it is the basics of my faith. He then encouraged, “If you believe in what I said, raise your hand. Do not be afraid!” So, out of peer pressure and moral force, I raised my hand. He then proclaimed, “If you raised your hand, I want you to leave your seat or spot here in the crowd and go to that prayer tent over there and meet all the other people who believe what you do.” Crap. I had one of the best spots on the mountain to see one of my favorite bands preform… in ten minutes. There was no way in hell (pun intended) I was leaving that spot. I felt guilty but come on. Because the universe has its way with you, a security guard approached me. “I saw you put your hand up. I’ll hold your spot. You go.” How was I supposed to say no? So I turned around and what I saw was like nothing else. There were 100,000 people there that day. I saw the mountain move. Almost everyone was slowly migrating over to the specified tent and I promise you, it was like seeing something outta the Bible. Seeing that many people move for their faith brought me to tears. I went over to the tent and looked around. I waited silently for some instruction on what I was supposed to do. It was then that a complete stranger came to me and asked, “Are you alright?” Without waiting for an answer, they hugged me. I had never felt so much compassion and I didn’t even know them. When I went back to my spot, the security guard that had sent me away saw me. He parted the crowd and sure enough, I was allowed back to the same exact spot I left. Then, during the concert, the guard took my camera and got pictures of Adam Young closer then I could ever get. It was amazing, in every way possible.
It’s the moments in life that aren’t planned that have the most impact.
Lesson of the Day: We are shaped by the memories/experiences we have.
Lyrics:
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
